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Election news: Brand’s cat.

LUVVIES LOVE LABOUR and Labour loves luvvies. I think it’s something to do with pretending to be someone else. Actors get the glamour of playing various parts but no power while politicians get the power but no glamour. Successful actors get to assuage their guilt by showing they care about the poor and are thus serious people while politicians hope some of the luvvie glitter will rub off on them to give their serious concerns for the poor a sparkly human appearance.

The electorate love luvvies but hate politicians. You can see why the latter want to cosy up to the former.

It doesn’t always work out well. Blair had Oasis in for drinks after his big election win but they turned against him later, and Noel Gallagher recently called his successor Miliband a communist. He also called Cameron a bellend so you can’t say he wasn’t being even-handed.

Miliband, being one of the most badly-advised of contemporary politicians, had already fallen into the same trap. His luvvie endorsers have included Paul Coogan – coke-snorter and scourge of the free press; Martin Freeman – tax avoider; Eddie Izzard – cross-dresser and man in lipstick; and, catastrophically, Russell Brand.

Although Miliband, in truth, came out of his regrettable campaign interview with Brand with a semblance of dignity and integrity, all this was destroyed in the aftermath. Brand flipflopped, saying people should vote after all (having repeatedly advised people not to vote, because it don’t change nuffink), and for Labour. Except in Brighton where they should vote Green. All was hysterically positive.

That was before the stony-faced electorate had their say.

rbrandcatIn the post-election dawn much flopping was required. The greatest delight is to be had in watching Brand’s latest “Trews” video. It’s a five minute spasm of incomprehension and self-importance. Poor Russell thought he could have an influence on the outcome of the election but then discovered it wasn’t as simple as having himself filmed asking inane questions of an slightly less naive but much better educated man than himself.

Now he says he doesn’t understand that world (of politics) and was basically duped. Presumably by the glamour of influence. But he does know that the old media (ie, the Murdoch press) and the “old establishment” are still powerful. That’s lefty-speak for the voters are too thick to work things out for themselves. Lucky Russ, he’s always got his conspiracy theories to fall back on: it’s safer than dealing with messy reality.

In the last minute or so of his apologia Brand’s cat appears on the bed behind him. It appears oblivious to him as he gesticulates in front of the camera and ends up sitting to one side, looking away, exuding that air of sublime and superior indifference that only cats can muster. He looks like he understands more than he’s letting on. He looks like he went out and voted Conservative in the cat polls while Russ was planning the revolution.

He knew all along. Miliband would have been better talking to Brand’s cat. He’d have got more sense out of it.

Michael Blackburn.

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